Getting a hang of things

*My first translation went Ga-Ga so I just deleted it...heartbroken over it =((*

Hello! I'm back with my second attempt at translating. This is a song, which I knew for quite some time but only recently that I paid some serious attention to it. I enjoy singing and listening to it and I hope it does the same for you as well =). This song is basically about expressing the longing-ness towards someone that is important to you, be it family members, lovers, friends or maybe even to those who are not around anymore. As for the music video, it portraits a story between two lovers.

Note: A dear friend of a close friend of mine left this world last year, and I think a full 365 days just passed not long ago. Although I do not know her but I hope the other side is more forgiving the what we are having here..

(I'm)

*Most afraid of the sudden stillness in the air

Most afraid of a friend's sudden concern

Most afraid of an unexpected memory tossing about painfully

Most afraid of suddenly hearing about You

Should my longing has its voice

May it not be of a sorrowful cry

As it is,

I finally made myself owning myself

All that's left is tears, which I could never fool myself with

(chorus)

A sudden longing of You

Where could you be?

Are you happy or aggrieved?

A sudden longing of You

The pierce of an unexpected memory

The sudden blurring eyes

We were like the most stunning of songs

Turned into two sorrowful tales

Why did you,

Led me on my most unforgettable journey

And yet, left me with the most painful of souvenir

Our

Sweet,

Beautiful,

Trusting,

Crazy,

and such passionate 'past'

Why do we,

Still have to run towards our own separate happiness

Growing with our regrets

Repeat chorus

Repeat *

Most afraid of finally decided on living on my own

Without you and yet

Suddenly hearing of you, once more...

Persona

I can't sleep and I can't wait until September to write my next post. Been burning with a desire to write nowadays. I am going to write something on an aspect of me which I mentioned a few times before but this time, I think I understand that side of me better with the help of the video below:

After watching it the first time, it's like getting slapped in the face and then only come into realisation that, what he is talking about is actually a big part of what and who I am. He talked about 'perfect people' and started off by saying who people under this category showcase their love which I kinda disagree as I do not think I am like that :P. Moving on..

Next, he touched on the point of the misconception between a control freak and a perfect person. I find some relevance in here as well, because looking back, I have been very particular with how certain things should be, be it with my friends or sometimes with my family or just how I arrange my laundry. Some may have cursed within themselves at me for being such a hard head or control freak but truth is, I am not and never even had the intention of being controlling, a better term used by the speaker was that people like me are always on the hunt of getting things 'right', but getting things right is very subjective and our 'right' may not be your 'right', so there you go.

The speaker then pointed out with an example of the furniture on the Titanic which I find a bit exaggerating but still funny nonetheless, an example of me being in such state would be when I am driving. I am nutter when it comes to the law, if I am given an option, I prefer not to make an illegal U-Turn and make an extra 5 minutes drive to make a legal one, call me dumb but that's how I am...and I will wait at traffic lights during the early hours of the day even when they are no one around...I do not stick to a certain manual nor do I have a religion, I just mainly stick to my principles as they give me a certain closure..which brings us to the next point.

Sensitivity, it is what really set us apart from being a total control maniac. After watching the video, I was able to answer some of the question that even I ask myself at times. This may drag on a while..

I have always see myself as an emotional guy, but now I find a better word for that, which is sensitive. I feel on a level, at times too strong for my own good. Tell me a thing once, if it strikes me hard enough, I will remember the excruciating detail of it until the day I die. Simple example? If you have ever been a passenger when I drive, you would realise that I will have some troubles determining whether or not I have lock the door of the car. Why is this? Because I forgot it once, just once, and my brother reminded me the next morning that the car was in the porch, unlocked. Just that once, even I am tired with myself at times that I have to check for numerous times to ensure that the car door is locked. Even with it lock right in front of my eyes, at times I would still question myself just to be sure of the already certain fact..

"What they want is people to be sensitive to their feelings'', is what he said and is what I would agree. Based on this sentence alone, memories flashed before me and now I see them from a differ perspective that helps me understand myself better.

I never seen it this way but for most of the things I have done for the people around me, especially for my friends is that I believe in karma and I hope that I can be treat the same as how I treat them..However, that is not to be most of the time, as I put my friends before me and without questions, should they need my help I will try to help. Why? I called myself an idiot many times before this, asking why am I constantly willing to help when they most probably would not be around should I am in need to help or just a simple companionship.

Another example would be why my primary persona is a quiet, shy and soft-spoken type of guy? In my primary school years, my mom always said that I resembles a tiger at home as I was loud and naughty but at school, I resembles a sick kitten instead. Many times have I tried to speak up, and many times I was either ignored or laughed at as kids can be quiet mean without them actually knowing it. I had trouble understanding my emotions but now I guess I was hurt back then. I think since then, I have been more of a listener rather than a speaker and only those whom I grew up with during my teenage years would really know the real me looks and acts =).

Sticking to my primary school years, although this is not related with the mentioned topic but it can help you to see how I function, the incident that I can remember was during an English class, if I may say this, I was a little better in the language as compared to my peers when I was young and the teacher knew me quite well. It was during one of those spelling exercises done in class, it was one of those words in plural where a 'Y' is replaced with an 'ies' sort of word like 'fly - flies'. I think I made a simple but stupid error of spelling it as 'flys' and as the teacher circled the class, she noticed what I wrote and gave me a hint that I made a mistake, try as I may but I just could not spot it. After realising that I did not manage to correct myself, the teacher asked the whole class to start spelling the word out, and when the first alphabet was spelled out only I realised my mistake but I think that further infuriated her and she lost it a little, scolded me a little and called me stupid with her index finger pointing at me. I was stunned and ashamed but all I did was just to change the word. The lesson after was history and was taught by the teacher in charged of my class, I do not know how but a classmate of mine actually told her what happened and she came over to me, I think my expression was so pitiful that she started to ask was I alright, but then, without a word, I cried and I was around 10 or 11 that year. It's just me, the more people cared about me, the more vulnerable I get.

I do not think many would realise this but I am not fond of insects, creepy crawlies or any sort of surprises by them. Why? I guess I must have upset something with my birth given how much I went through before the age of 7...hehe, I was hit in the eye my a flying beetle when I was playing with my neighbour. And why I dislike cats so much is that I was bit, jumped on plus being ticklish did not help as well XD.

But as I get older, I realise I do not take rejections, set backs or stuff along those lines very well. When rejected or facing set backs, I blame myself first before anything for not being up to par. Which is why I can never see myself and to approach a stranger and start talking, more so if the person is a girl. I have always envy those people who can just go up to anybody and get a friendly reception and I still envy them today...

This post is named persona because I recently just changed my profile information. A simple sentence that describes me quite well but to really know my true natural side is when I am doing something I am passionate about but the easiest to judge is when I am gaming or playing sports. It's not that I play every time to win but it is more to doing the best I can. When playing FIFA with my friends, miss a goal I'll go berserk :P. During futsal, I get loud and got commented once that they never realised I could shout that loud so I guess it must have been loud XD.

Glad to have came across this video, at least I have some part of myself figured out =)

Life is...

Life is actually pretty decent should we not go mess around with it and life throws things at you that you once thought has already been a closed chapter, without warning and sometimes the realisation will just hit you straight in the face. Near and far one may search but at times the answer just lie right in front of the seeker.

I'd always find that one those singing competition sort of television shows where the judges would ask things like 'whether did the singer had any imagery in helping him to deliver a particular song' as utter rubbish as maybe just for me, being an ultra single-tasker, I can only try to sing or think at one particular time and they are called performers for a reason which is what I chose to believe. But all that change, in a space of a dream like hour where I truly understood what the whole thing to 'performing for someone' means. I managed to fully complete a song which I had constant troubles over the years that I'd played it.

Maybe the imagery is more of a motivator rather than anything else for me, or maybe it is one of those self-fulfilling prophecies? I experienced it once a long time ago but this time is a little different and I can't really put a finger down as to how is it different. The thought of actually trying to play for someone important made me happy and from that joy I experience, I felt motivated and as they say, the rest is history. I nailed it =D.

Maybe it is also part of how I function? I am one of those who are dependent on mood, I hate being asked let alone forced to do something against my will. For instant, when I really do not feel like doing something as simple as sweeping the floor, no matter how dirty my room appear to be, I would not even move a muscle. While on the other extreme, when motivation comes knocking, I would invest my time wholly on it. Like now, my fingers are almost at the point of having blisters from playing the guitar. I play the instrument in an on and off fashion, which is why my fingers cannot last very long each time I play it but having that drive to play kept me playing and playing and playing which led to the current situation where I need to stop for a day or two =(.

Above are what I need to have a good time expressing myself, the guitar which is almost half my age is camera shy, that's why it is not in the shot XD.

Came across this phrase that a friend of mine posted on Facebook, meant quite a bit to me:

"Even though you have a boy/girlfriend, there is always one person who you turn to. Whether it is due to a bad day or to share a problem or maybe even just after a fight with the other half. At times, that person would even be the special one, second only to family members. That person does not necessary be of any special relationship with you but will always be there for you. Appreciate that person for you can be yourself around that person, whom you call a

'best friend'."

Life ain't too bad after all, for as long as we don't go mess around with it, life is pretty decent =)

P/S - Finally caught up with the 'a post a month' standard I set for myself, next one will come in September =DD

What are words to me?

Chris Medina once sang a song about his life, telling a story of the legitimacy of words or that's how I interpret it anyway. For me, I won't go into that as this is own view.

Words to me images in their written form. To fully understand a word, I need the help of visuals. It's just part of me I guess, and it is not until recently that I realised this as a lecturer of mine commented on my writing, stating that I am a very 'visual' guy. I understand a word by knowing what they symbolises or what actions they bring about. Which is why at times, I can follow each and every word of a certain song but when ask what the song is trying to say, I couldn't say anything about that because words in that context to me is just one of the elements which complements the musical piece in becoming a finished work of art.

Talking about lyrics, part of the reason why I do not really look much into lyrics nowadays is because songs, particularly in mainstream is mainly about hitting the club or what to do on the dance floor or how to drink in a club, coupled with an eardrum pounding beat which stays about the same throughout the song..You tell me what is there to appreciate about? Which is also why, in my opinion that there is a lot less 'epic' sounding pieces going around nowadays as compared to our yesteryear's. Just to name a few, Celine Dion, Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston were great vocalist that truly deliver a story the way it should be delivered, and of course, the mood helps too. Was listening to some oldies and it is shocking to see how far the mainstream musical industry has plummeted since the good ol' days.

Just a simple comparison, take the word 'baby' for example, the way Klaus Meine (Scorpions) delivered it was miles if not light years away from how JB can even dream of delivering (yea, it's not even worth my time typing out his name). In addition to the existence of the technology of auto-tuning, it's interesting to see how far can the industry falls.

One of those moments..

Sorry for the absence, the ship sunk but was recovered =).

This happens to me, most of the time if not ALL the time and was further backed by another friend of mine whom I just had the conversation with. It's regarding my musical taste....

For those who knows me, I listen to a wide range of music and the main stumbling block when people ask what is listen to is also at 'Metal'. As my friend, who is a Christian, would point out that the moment he mentioned metal, a girl friend of his immediately thought he was a Satan worshiper or some sort and asked for clarification that he is indeed a Christian.

Its like WTF?!?! There is a lot of different genre of metal, from black to power, folk, speed, progressive, trash and the list goes on and on. The term Metal, for most, is often associated with the trash or black Metal genre where they just look and sound angry. I agree, as I do not listen to trash metal as they really sometimes can be defined as 'noise'. Same goes to other type of genre of music as well in my opinion, there is punk (Green Day/Blink 182), alternative (Maroon 5) or pop (A LOT!) under Rock and there is good singers and bad singers (JB and RB...ring a bell).

One of the more common of reaction that I get from none Metal followers goes a little something like this 'You don't look like someone that likes Metal'. My reaction? =.=...As for other Metal followers, happens more among the girl(s) is that they find it as a pleasant surprise. I mean, what's wrong with liking a certain genre, field of interest or brand? If everyone liked the same thing then the world would be very dull, won't it? The more messed up reaction would have to be that they start to (jokingly) tease and stuff like that until another person who also has the same interest pops up, especially if that person is a girl, the comments just stop there and then..

I am a guitar player myself, and I appreciate good guitar players and they are mostly found among the metal bands. As for their choice of presentation of their vocals, screaming or growling doesn't necessarily mean all negative but from how I see it just complements the music nicely. Some may say that they don't understand what they are singing about and lyrics comes first and what not. But let me ask you this, the easiest example would be a certain Jay Chou, can you honestly tell me that you understand the whole song the first time listening to it? What sticks in your mind most? His words or melody? Another point would be I like and appreciate live performances, rather than those lip syncing or auto-tuned 'artists'. I do beg to differ to those who say Metal bands can't sing. Here is a few, try them out and then let me know if they can sing or not:-

Kamelot

Nightwish (during Tarja's time with the band)

Dream Theater

Galneryus (both new and previous vocalist)

A fitting ending note to this post, taken from 9gag.com:

(sorry the image's resolution is small, for better quality do visit the website =))

I miss...

THIS

Feeling a bit nostalgic looking back, when I was still active in the competitive sports of tracks and field. I just miss everything about it, the ups, the downs, the thrills, the came from behind wins, the joy, the roar from the crowd, the wind blowing against your face so hard that its the only thing your ears can hear, the sheer out of body experience when I recall what was happening during the race. Now I'm just badly out of shape, two bad knees (one totally busted) and can actually feel I am not as fast as I was used to be. Well, back in the days, I wasn't really into the net thus not knowing there is so much I can learn from youtube...another 'what if's in my life...

"What if I knew how to better train myself to go faster?"

Guess I'll never know..

The end of April

The boat stays afloat for another month running. Had a long post previously so gonna keep it short and sweet this time.

Well, over the period between the last post and this post, some things have changed while others remained the same. Like it or not, life goes on and so do I..I guess??

I have my moments as well

For some reason, a memory came across my mind and I feel like sharing it here. Its about my childhood..Some events I remember while some is told by my mom, for instance getting into countless of fits, got inflected with the Hand Foot Mouth Disease and finally falling into a collection of durians on the floor (if not mistaken pushed by my brother when we were young XD). While there is always the mystery to how did I learn my English?? As for the ones that I do remember, are that my whole palm got burnt by grabbing onto a red hot metal bar (maybe will share that story some other time) and the most memorable for me is to walk for approximately 8 hours from school back to my house in Brunei when I was around 6, as I clearly remember I was still in kindergarten then.

When I was that age, I was very small, skinny, relatively short although taller that most of my peers, why do I mention these, you'll see in a moment. The way I travel to school is by some sort of a 'school bus' which had been fetching me for quite some time already, but this does not have the classic black and yellow paint, just how a normal Toyota Unser would look like back in the days, it was called 'Kijang' back then. Due to my size, I was always placed in the small area, right behind the hand-brake, facing backward so at most I could see was some knees in front of me. I was always the last to come on-board, last to get home as well as my house was the nearest to school compared to the others on the same ride.

I was also in the morning session, so class ends around noon. It seemed like another fine day, I waited at the same spot I'd waited every single day and I do not remember being late as well. I place my back down but just seem to locate a fellow member of the same ride home. I waited a little while longer then decided to walk towards where the car is normally parked at (we were told to wait for the driver to come get us as we were still young then) but could not seem to find the car as well. I did not quite remember the part that followed but I think I went back to my waiting spot, waited for some time till I was literally the only one left. Out of the blues, I was on my way, to one of the most memorable walk of my life. **Looking back now, It would have been so much easier to go look for a teacher for help....but hey, I was 6 :p**

Remember I said my house was pretty near to school? Imagine this, make a right turn from the main entrance follow along the road and less than a 10 minutes drive and I'll be home but instead, I took a left turn. Why? Well, it is because that was how the driver went about dropping each and one of us every-single-day. **My mom asked me some years after the incident how did I manage to find my way home, I could not answer her until today** The way I walked, it's quite funny now but got to remind you that I was 6 then, was literally by-the-books if I may, just in this case, by-each-and-every-single-turn-stops-etc-made-by-the-driver-. If the driver ever made a U-turn somewhere, I would walk to the exact spot, make the U-turn and continue on. **No short cuts ya'll XDD**

That was roughly how I got started, I even saw some of the ones on the same car along the way in their homes and they saw me too, but it never crossed my mind to ask them for help :p. It was not until I made my way up a flyover, the first car that stopped for me happened then. I guess it quite a sight to see a kid, carrying a bag larger that himself walking on a flyover in the middle of the day. I remember it was a Malay couple, would like to believe they were married as they looked to be around their 30s. They pulled up in front of me, the lady opened the door, but instead of waiting for them, I walked towards the driver's side, walked passed the car then continued on, the car never stopped for a second time. I guess the advice to not speak to stranger was really stuck in my mind.

Obviously I carried on, I cannot remember all the details but just some moments left in my mind. It was somewhere about 3-ish maybe 4 some sort of a mid-point of the journey. Cars were just zooming past my right and none stopped for me since the first couple. I remember that I began to cry and was mumbling to myself that "I wanna go home" repeatedly. Was it fear, or fatigue or maybe it was something else completely, I would not know as I cannot remember how I felt at that that, just remembered I started crying then.

Maybe another hour passed, I reached the symbolic mosque in Brunei where the roof is made from gold which also means I was near to my home (the mosque area was at best 20 minutes away from the previous area that I mentioned given the speed that I walk now). It was during this time, a policeman, in a private car slowed down and just crawl right beside me. He was showing his badge and stuff from the driver seat and I paid no attention to him as well, partly because that I did not understand the Malay Language well, even until today. Things then got a bit hairy as he got out of his car and grab me by the arm and I did struggled but just could not do anything, and I never spoken a word to anybody.

Then out of nowhere, a Chinese man arrived along with his son from secondary school, I guess just finished the afternoon session so it should be around 6 or 7 then. I do not remember when or how the man appeared, but it seems as if he struck an agreement with the Malay policeman to just let me walk and they follow me along **Thinking back now, I sort of got some kind of an escort :D** The man's son was asking me on where is my house and all I did was point, not a word came out of my mouth.

Eventually, I made the final turn and began walking to my house, and just like in Hollywood XD, there was a light approaching me, I looked up and it turned out to be my dad. Even until this day, I still remember his reaction vividly. He jumped in his seat while jamming on his brakes. I do not remember what happened next, I cannot even remember how I got into my house! But, what was clear to me was the time in which I arrived at home, it was 9 p.m. Why of all things I remember was the time, its because "Popeye the Sailor Man" was showing at 8.30 p.m on Cartoon Network back then and I only managed to catch a glimpse of the ending. I also remember what I had for dinner, just some plain rice with soup. What happened after that, of the next day, I do not remember. Ever since that incident, my dad always fetches me home until I got a little older =).

After talking about it with my mom during my teenage years, I guess I am lucky just to be alive today as during that time in Brunei, there were many cases of missing child, mainly believed to be kidnapped or stuff like that. So yea, definitely counting my lucky stars. This is one memory that I would never forget, know after writing it down, I guess I never will forget it =).

Life just have to go on...

A couple of weeks ago, we beat Barcelona 2-1, we were all ecstatic, all was good.

We just lost the Carling Cup final to Birmingham City, also 2-1....Gutted...yes. Just not meant to be...

Just for fun

Well, just to keep my blog a little bit more active, since it has been like me, passive for well over a month now. Yea, holidays is coming to an end, and finally something else to do besides staying at home playing...Well, another sign of me needing more outdoor time is that my thighs and lower back are killing me because I went for a jogging yesterday, signs are not good for me it seems..Oh well, for this post, just wanna share some pictures *I do not own any of the pictures below*

Bahamut, the legendary dragon, has always been my favourite mainly thanks to its cool design that games producers associate it with, and it always packs quite a strong punch which further add to its value.

*An example of Bahamut, not too sure from which game

*Another example of Bahamut, this is my personal favourite, from Final Fantasy VIII.

However, disaster can also be linked to it...

This piece of crap of a guitar above that a certain artist calls it his Bahamut...I was beyond words when I first found out that years ago that this existed. Well, don't get me wrong, I admire the artist but is this guitar all the nice until it gets his fan drooling and screaming over it??? Not that I know how good of the tone of the guitar is, but on it design alone...Please rename it!!! (well, I know that's not gonna happen anyways)