Good morning! Well, for some, which exclude me because I haven't sleep yet. Been trying to study, note, trying...but just could not absorb what I was reading so I stopped. Realized that I haven't been updating here for a while, got some posts pending but got no moon to write them..yet. So,here I am, writing this instead.
As the title would suggest, who the hell am I? After nineteen years, and 15 days being alive, I still could not answer that particular question. Why? here is why...
I'd always identified myself as the one who has quite a number of friends, but no best friends. Maybe its the way I segregate things though, I am not sure. But as time passes by, I realize I do have some friends who are, to me, more than just a F-R-I-E-N-D. Take for example, my not-so-little-but-still-younger-than-me sister, Sue May and her other half, the-never-to-be-messed-with Veron. They are two important people in my life, but the irony is, the way we met each other and the number of times that we actually see each other and what more to say hang out are so limited, I do have so-called 'Best Friends' after all =D. Note that I mentioned segregating things? I do have a friend, whom I grew up with since secondary school, Raymond. I would call him my close friend but never my best because we only got certain topics that will get us going all day long, either gaming or football. Maybe he is my best friend all these while just that I never realize...Yea, so that is one, I don't even know who the people around me are and may had even taken for granted some along the way.
Next, realized when I mentioned about my besties, the ratio of girl to guy is 2:1? Yea, I hang out with girls a lot more than guys. Well, one would normally see me, in a group, being one of the or the only guy in the particular group. The thing with me is, I don't talk much but hanging around with girls is that, they talk ALOT. Contradicting I know but I 'don't know' how to hang out with a guy group maybe? Hmm, maybe a clash or interest? Not saying that I share the exact same interest as girls do but guys talk about cars (I got no idea of), gadgets (I am still ok), girls (I prefer not to judge others) and other topic which aren't my cup of tea. Take for example music, the music I listen to ranges from slow ballads all the way to metal...Imagine that..and compare that to most of the guy friends I have around saying what I listen to is noise...I think that is a clear fullstop on that topic. So, where do I belong?
There is another thing I am still pondering about. I myself realize that I am a bit feminine for a guy but not to those extent of what some would call 'softies', for how I carry myself, sitting and standing posture. I do realize that, but hey, I'd been like that for who knows how long. I can't change that way I am that I have gotten so used to. However, after saying that, I know I am a guy, a normal one I would add. Just that I do not know how and why, I become like this. I am most of the time, caught right in the middle...
Hmm, everything that I write sounds like I myself is the problem here..Well, maybe so. Just wanna voice this out at least...Donno why I even write this in the first place.haha. Better go to sleep now. Btw, a shoutout to all my classmates. GOOD LUCK IN THE COMING EXAM!!!!
P/S - Its Arsenal vs Chelsea tonite at the Grove. The build up to this game, from Arsenal's point-of-view, if more or less like my past few days. Bad...Need a miracle tonight! Go Gunners!!!
As the title would suggest, who the hell am I? After nineteen years, and 15 days being alive, I still could not answer that particular question. Why? here is why...
I'd always identified myself as the one who has quite a number of friends, but no best friends. Maybe its the way I segregate things though, I am not sure. But as time passes by, I realize I do have some friends who are, to me, more than just a F-R-I-E-N-D. Take for example, my not-so-little-but-still-younger-than-me sister, Sue May and her other half, the-never-to-be-messed-with Veron. They are two important people in my life, but the irony is, the way we met each other and the number of times that we actually see each other and what more to say hang out are so limited, I do have so-called 'Best Friends' after all =D. Note that I mentioned segregating things? I do have a friend, whom I grew up with since secondary school, Raymond. I would call him my close friend but never my best because we only got certain topics that will get us going all day long, either gaming or football. Maybe he is my best friend all these while just that I never realize...Yea, so that is one, I don't even know who the people around me are and may had even taken for granted some along the way.
Next, realized when I mentioned about my besties, the ratio of girl to guy is 2:1? Yea, I hang out with girls a lot more than guys. Well, one would normally see me, in a group, being one of the or the only guy in the particular group. The thing with me is, I don't talk much but hanging around with girls is that, they talk ALOT. Contradicting I know but I 'don't know' how to hang out with a guy group maybe? Hmm, maybe a clash or interest? Not saying that I share the exact same interest as girls do but guys talk about cars (I got no idea of), gadgets (I am still ok), girls (I prefer not to judge others) and other topic which aren't my cup of tea. Take for example music, the music I listen to ranges from slow ballads all the way to metal...Imagine that..and compare that to most of the guy friends I have around saying what I listen to is noise...I think that is a clear fullstop on that topic. So, where do I belong?
There is another thing I am still pondering about. I myself realize that I am a bit feminine for a guy but not to those extent of what some would call 'softies', for how I carry myself, sitting and standing posture. I do realize that, but hey, I'd been like that for who knows how long. I can't change that way I am that I have gotten so used to. However, after saying that, I know I am a guy, a normal one I would add. Just that I do not know how and why, I become like this. I am most of the time, caught right in the middle...
Hmm, everything that I write sounds like I myself is the problem here..Well, maybe so. Just wanna voice this out at least...Donno why I even write this in the first place.haha. Better go to sleep now. Btw, a shoutout to all my classmates. GOOD LUCK IN THE COMING EXAM!!!!
P/S - Its Arsenal vs Chelsea tonite at the Grove. The build up to this game, from Arsenal's point-of-view, if more or less like my past few days. Bad...Need a miracle tonight! Go Gunners!!!
Hey-lo! See how quick and swifty my reply is.? Lol..
ReplyDeleteAnyway... Just wanna pop by and tell you that we all have uncertain and un-belonging times. But we are who we are. And there will come a day where you will feel absolutely at ease with who you are. Because I truly believe that you will one day find a place where you can belong and be able to shine and be just as awesome as you truly are without worrying about fitting in.
But for now, tough as it may be, just be comfortable in who are are, belonging or not belonging. And there will come a time where it'll all be easier. And you'll find that you don't really have to belong after all. And that there are many of them un-belong-ers in the world too.
In words of one of my best friends when I had this same 'rough' patch some time ago, 'Be who you are and dare to be loved for it.'
And in the times where you're really really down, and things seems to genuinely suck, tell yourself that the greats in the world out there never had it easy. You think Einstein and Mozart could belong anywhere while they were nineteen? Well.. I think not. And trust me, one day, you will be able to put yourself in league with the greats in the world.
Just remember, don't ever change who you are just to belong, cause who you are right now is pretty gosh darn awesome and we all love the teng/tat yang just the way she/he is. heehee..
Hmm.. Is it just me or does the word 'belong' seem a little weird now? >.<
Haha. I take my leave after a long long long ramble with one of the many many collected inspirational quotes of SueLand.
'Why try to fit in, when you're born to stand out?'
Sue.
the second comment!! from the above's other half!!
ReplyDeletehmmm.. i guess i don't need to add in any more inspirational stuff as my chayang has already done an awechum job in that!!
anyway teng.. what sue said is true.. don't change who you are just to fit in because we love u for who you are and not for who you appear to be! live life your way! don't let anyone's comment bout how you should carry your life trouble you as at the end of the day, you are your own judge to your life..
stay yourself teng! we're just a phonecall/sms away if you need us!!
*hugs*
Veronnie